8 Months

We are slowly teaching you to "kiss" when we ask for a kiss. You first kissed me Feb. 5th and it was so cute. I was so surprised. You grabbed my face, leaned in very close and pressed your open mouth to my lips. I started to laugh, you scowled at me, then wanted to go play. I love you, baby girl. You kissed Mama Campbell not too long after and she was so surprised. You are the sweetest thing. 

You have added the word "papa" to your little vocabulary. You were up at 5 AM, just ready to go, saying "papapapapapapaaaaapaaa" and shaking your crib. I ignored you. You went back to bed. 

You had a lot of "firsts" this month. Your hair is long enough we can put them in pigtails (Feb. 1). So cute. But you look so weird with your hair flat and down. It rarely happens. You ate your first pickle (Feb.20). You freaking loved it. Threw a fit when I took it away. Real tears and everything. You are one weird kid, but I lurve you deeply. And we started "stimulating" your gums. You are still toothless (at 8 months!) but I want you to get used to the idea of me putting something like a toothbrush in your mouth (Feb.10). So that is what we do. You love it. Want to do it all by yourself. 

Your first Valentine's Day.  Daddy and I had a little bit of fun buying you sweet little things for Vday. You received a new play book, a new shirt, some cute pink shoes with bows, an owl hook annddd "Lady and the Tramp." We're slowly working on adding to your cartoon collection. Disney is expensive, yo'.

You are growing more expressive. You know what the camera is and you are starting to get this cheesy grin when you see it. It makes me laugh. You love your sippy cup but I hate it, as it gets water everywhere. Leak-proof, my ass. You clap your hands now. At the TV, at Mama, at Papa, when you hear your name. You're a cheerleader, it seems.  

You like to move. I cannot get you to sit still. You aren't crawling on your hands and knees yet but you can wiggle your way anywhere. It's dangerous to just leave you on the floor as you have managed to make your way under the rocking chair, into the kitchen... just anywhere. You like the headboard in our room a lot. You can play with it for an hour easy, while I fold clothes or clean up. And you've taken to sleeping on your stomach/face. I am constantly checking your breathing but you like it. Your butt is in the air a lot too, during these nap times.

Colton spent most of the February break with us. You love him. All he has to do is be around and you are quiet and watching him. Best babysitter ever. he likes to play "where's the baby" (weird game) and you think it's the funniest thing ever. He can make you laugh so hard.  

I had you by yourself for a few days. Everyone was gone. I needed to get some work done so bad (deadline) but all you wanted was to be held. It came down to you would cry if I put you down. You ended up on my lap, watching cartoons on the tv while I typed around you. I got my cuddles, alright. On the one day I needed to work. I still got it done but of course, once I was free to cuddle, you were done with me. Brat. 

I cannot believe you are my 8 month old baby. Time is going by too fast and I just want to hug you close. You can now fit your moccasins that you received on Christmas. It seemed like they were huge. I have had to go through your "summer" clothes and bring out some clothes from there. You fit them now and summer would be too late to fit them. How crazy is that? You are so tall, so defined. You have so much personality in that little body. You are learning how to express yourself, to get what you want. There's no one you like better than me, which is actually pretty great. I love being your number one.

Everyday, I'm in awe of you.  I love you, my little Aerie. 

i don't know what to say

I'm feeling like stopping blogging. I'm so damn busy right now with being Mom, being a small business owner (I'm doing amazing things with that, and getting all legit!), as well as planning a all-day workshop and being all wifey, and shit.

So no blogs.

I'm gonna grab me a pen and notebook, I think. Write down some actual words for my girl to one day read, if I don't burn all them before hand. She doesn't need to know everything, after all.

I'll be back, in a few weeks. Aerie's turning 8 months, after all.

7 Months

You learned how to hold your own sippy cup. Drinking from it still is kind of a new concept for you. You prefer to chew on the nub and gargle with the water. It's hilarious. 

New Year's Eve was perfect for me. I woke you up, by accident, ten minutes before Midnight. You were calm, sleepy and content to lay in my arms, playing with my face. I counted down to 2012 with you while Allen played cards upstairs with my parents. Then I gave you a kiss, fed you a bit of your bottle, and you fell right back to sleep. 

You were also fed chip-dip. I was so damn furious. I am sick of a few certain people thinking it's funny to feed you junk food and sugar. You were fed pop. You were fed chip-dip. All behind my back, without my permission. These people are ignorant and they don't get it, so they are not allowed to hold you/feed you. It's not safe, it's not healthy and I do not want you to be fed sugar and salt in such high concentrates. Gross. If I don't eat that shit, why would I feed it to you? ARGH! I still get so mad. But letting it go. All I can do is limit their contact with you. 

We bought you your first playpen. We had stayed at a hotel a few days before and usually, you sleep in the drawer but on the last trip, your feet were hanging out. Mommy Fail. So we went to get you a playpen. I looked at all the stores in Saskatoon and finally found a clean, basic black one. I hate the ones with animals, polka dots, etc. Just modern and simple, please. You love it. You play in it, you nap in it upstairs, you are learning to pull yourself up on it. 

You've learned to blow "raspberries". So cute.

On the 9th, we went to Patuanak. Your Great-Grandpa (your Dad's Mom's Dad) passed away. We managed to hit the ditch (your first time). Then we were at the wake and you heard the Dene Elders start to sing the hymns in Dene. It's quite beautiful, but haunting. Mournful. Well, your dad had to bring you right to me. You had huge crocodile tears in your eyes. You were sad. My sensitive little baby. I love you. 

I had already started you on veggies, so we continued with fruits. You are like a little bird, with fruits. Lurve 'em. Open your mouth so wide, growl at me when I don't feed you fast enough.  

I took you to meet your Grandma Coleen and your Grandpa Don. They are two very special people in my life - they were my anchor for a time, a home to run to when I was needing it - and you charmed them, completely. Grandma Colleen especially. She can't wait to see you again. I can't wait to bring you. There are very few people in Saskatoon I'm willing to take you to, since we're always so go-go-go when we are there. But for them, of course. Always. Anytime. You are going to be so loved by them. 

We tried to feed you rice cracker. You're not teething yet but you like to chew on things to massage your gums. But you think the Rice Crackers are toys. You love to bang them around. The few times you've had a bite of them, you've actually shuddered. 

You have tummy time almost everyday in the living room. You can wiggle a lot and hold yourself up on your arms, but you haven't got the hang of crawling just yet. Which is fine. I love the weight of you on my hip, the feel of your hands holding onto my tank strap or feeling my face as we wander around the house. 

Your daddy and I left you alone for a night with your Mama Campbell. I missed you so damn much. I had to go to Saskatoon for work for the night, and me and your Dad hadn't been out together in 7 months or so (coincidence?) so Mama babysat while we went. Then I cruised back so I could be home for your bath. I bought you owl stuff, of course. It was the third time I had ever left you overnight. It was stressful. When will I stop counting my nights away? 

We bought you a sleigh, finally. We went through your first cold snap of Winter (it got to -37 with windchill) but after that, we bought you a cute little red sleigh. It has a seat, a seat belt, a handle. We took you for your first sleigh ride. You were actually kind of unimpressed with it, like it was something you did all the time. I was way more excited about it. 

You have about 10+ stuffed owls. You will get more, I'm sure. I can't help it. I know this trend will end. 

I made pact to stop buying you clothes until March. It's been going real good. Haven't bought you anything yet (only clothing with owls is allowed). Your Mama, on the other hand, is still buying you clothes. I think she has a problem. 

I kiss you everyday, every time I hold you in my arms. You will, one day, push me away and mean it, and you will break my heart. So I will just kiss you more. I love you. 

heartache

Aerie falls asleep on her side, her arms wrapped around whatever stuffed animal happens to be in the crib. Yes, I let her sleep with a stuffy or with a small pillow. So she's asleep, her leg thrown over the pillow, her arms hugging it. And it makes me smile. She sleeps like me. I'm constantly hugging or snuggling up to Allen or the pillow or the blankets. I rarely sleep on my back, never on my stomach. 

I lean over the crib, careful to keep quiet, and smell her hair, kiss her cheek, and resist the urge to pick her up and cuddle her. Bedtime. It's such a relief some days, yet tonight it feels like the end of a play date. I must wait another 10+ hours to play with her again, to hear her voice, to see her smile. I have to wait to pick out another outfit for her to wear, to comb her hair and to throw in her signature bow. To tickle her feet and watch her blow raspberries. To listen to her babble "dadadadada" and only occasionally, mumble "mummumumum." 

My brothers upstairs, playing guitar and singing some lonely country tunes. Allen is watching an old Disney cartoon that he had been watching with Aerie. Cartoons are always on nowadays. Mom and Dad are talking quietly in the living room, I can hear her laughter. And on the baby monitor, I can hear the radio playing softly and the small breathing sounds she's making. The grunts and groans as she dreams. She is not a quiet dreamer, that one. 

Last night Allen and I were lying in bed, talking about her. We are always talking about her. I was trying to explain how much I love her. How much it hurts sometimes, how much I love her. That beautiful ache in my heart that says "She is mine. And I made her. I made something so perfect and beautiful. She is everything." I don't know if he understood me, but I think he loves her just as fiercely. Just in a different way.

late night thoughts

I've been spending my days just chilling with Aerie. It's been pretty calm. Quiet. Yet not so. She's really finding her voice and has taken to gurgling and blowing raspberries and going "oooohhhOOOhhhhHHHH." I just lie beside her, pull her up close and let her touch my face, grab her feet and listen to her stories. 

I wonder what she's saying. What she's thinking. 

Being a mom. 

Being a mom has changed me so much. I sometimes wonder who I am, yet I know this who I am meant to be. She has made me stronger and more sensitive. I cry at shows that show a baby in distress now. I cry at commercials. I cry at sad songs. Yet I'll stand up for myself, for my daughter at any time. I don't take no bullshit. I don't have time for it. 

I'm leaving every Saturday this month for a competition I'm in. That's harder than I thought. I miss her so much when I'm gone. I'm constantly looking for things to buy her. Thank God owls are a huge thing right now. And yet I love my time alone. I feel a sense of accomplishment, a sense of power and direction. I know that I'm leaving her for our own good, to better myself as a business woman, as a photographer. 

It's taken me a good six months to really feel like this is it, this is my life. I'm no longer missing what could have been. Sure, I hear about my cousins going out or cool trips but then I'm excited about taking my mini-me on trips, on showing her Vancouver where I stayed, on showing her Toronto and meeting her Aunties out there. I make my plans based on her and my family, and I know that she's my number one. It's a good feeling to finally feel... like Mom. 

6 Months

This is how you "talk" with your Cousin Ava - we miss her so much. 

I  left you overnight with Mama Campbell to go Xmas Shopping in Saskatoon. It was only my second time leaving you overnight - the first being when I had to go for surgery (you were 2 months old). I called every few hours. Mom said you fussed a lot that night - that you knew I was gone. I was SO GLAD.

On December 1st, we started feeding you pablum. I let Daddy feed you for the first time while I filmed it.  You took to it like a pro. Now, we feed you twice a day and you still love to eat. You mimic the movements of our mouths, you try to eat your bib to get the last of the pablum that we missed, you grunt when we don't feed you fast enough. Adorbs. 

On the 9th, we let you have a sippy cup. Mama let you use the old one that Ava had used but of course, I went out and bought you one with handles. You love it. We just put water in it, and I doubt we will ever get in the habit of putting juice in there. You've since learned to hold it on your own and you enjoy gnawing on it, lying down and watching hockey. Hilarious. 

This is you and Soccer, your mommy's old Cabbaga Patch Doll. You loves him. 

You said "mum." I think you did. Mum and Dada seem to be on your list of babble words but I'm doing my very best to train you to say Mum first. Of course, one morning, you stretched, opened your eyes and said "Hi, Mum." Creep-eee. 

You are making up your own sleep schedule again. I let you nap from 6:30 - 7:30 PM and you were absolutely wired from 7:30 - 10 PM. I'm talking stretching, babbling, eating, laughing, giggling, crawling attempts, playing, babbling, moving, wiggling, twirling... non-stop movement. So funny. But usually you're asleep by 8:30/9:00 PM. You need your beauty sleep. 

You scoot along the floor on your back. You cry and fuss on your tummy. I can handle it. It makes me laugh. You'll be walking before long anyways and then we'll miss the scooting days. 

You take 2 hour naps in the am and pm now, and Mommy loves you for it. usually I can sleep right along with you but on those busy days when I can't, those 2 hours let me get a lot done. And when you wake up and I go to see you, you are so happy to see me. You smile that huge open-mouth grin, all toothless and with your one dimple showing. Melts my heart. 

Action movies are for you. Papa Campbell watched Conan the Barbarian with you at almost top volume (he's a little deaf) and you were entranced. You were shouting at the screen, waving your arms, cheering, smiling, frowning, yelling when someone else would yell on screen. It was such a funny time. 

Chilling with your Godmother

You took a bath with your cousin Colton for the first time. It was hilarious. he asked about your boobies and where your peepee is. He was pouring water on you and you were kicking your feet and splashing and laughing so hard. you love your cousin Colton, that's for sure. 

We've taken you to two of Colton's hockey games. You love it. You have your own little columbia jacket and mitts and you sit there, waving your hands, yelling at the ice, watching the people. You're too busy that you even forget to eat and then all of a sudden, you're ravenous. You love people. 

You got to open gifts since the 20th on. You are so spoiled. So. Spoiled. But it's so great to see all the owl goodies coming your way. People know how to entertain me, that's for sure. 

Xmas Morning in your new Wagon

You turned 6 months on the 24th. You went to Midnight mass and gave us an excuse to cut out early. Thank you ;) You woke up nice and early on Xmas Day and there was a stocking for you to open. Then Mommy looks around and says to Grandma.. "So where's Aerie's Santa Gifts?" 

Mom looks at me and says "Tenille... you're Santa." 

It sunk it. 

Mommy Fail. 

But six months. I can't believe it's already been 6 months. Half a year and now you're going to be crawling, walking, talking, eating. Just constantly growing. 

Just cuddle me sometimes, as you grow up. I loves you. ;) 

blahblahblahblah

My life is one big list and I am going crrraazzzyyyyy. It irritates me that I live by a to-do list now, but that's life with a baby now, I guess. Do bottles. Do laundry. Do sheets. Clean bathroom - especially tub. Clean living room. Sweep floor.

I shouldn't sound so ungrateful, but this is my blog and I trust that my friends who read it understand I'm not complaining about my child, I'm complaining about the drudgery I have let my life become.

I am so not in the mood for this.

Tomorrow is Tuesday. I'm going to take Aerie and take off. I'm not sure where yet. Possibly PA. Get the last of my shopping done. Possibly North Battleford, for a change of scenery. But I have to move, to do something. To take my child and be adventurous, not that she would notice, at all.

But I would.